


dave strider learns a thing or four about troll anatomy (and for that matter, so does rose)

by niiiiix



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 15-16 YEARS OLD, @punk.rock.goldilcos, For That Matter, Here we go, I know, I swear, Kanaya Maryam/Karkat Vantas Moirallegiance, M/M, MAKES IT SOUND SMUTTY, Meteorstuck, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), The title, UHH THE TROLLS ARE LIKE, actual tags?, bro 8 sweeps i have no clue how the translation works between the two, follow my tiktok, it isnt, its not smutty, ive got. great cosplays., ive never written for homestuck before so forgive me, meteorfic, my mutual on tiktok gave me the idea, pesterlog fic, thats all i can think to add HFJDSKHFJKDSHA, theyre like, um, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25144339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niiiiix/pseuds/niiiiix
Summary: dave asks rose if all trolls have 'tiny lil crab legs'. pesterlogs ensue
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam & Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	dave strider learns a thing or four about troll anatomy (and for that matter, so does rose)

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ! 

TG: kankan 

TG: kanaya  


GA: Yes Dave Please Make It Quick  


GA: Not To Sound Impolite Or Anything  


GA: Rose Has Just Invited Me Over  


TG: i just have one questsh before you go  


GA: What Do You Mean By That  


TG: question  


TG: yeah sorry i got that it was fuckin obscure when i typed it  


GA: Indeed  


TG: so  


TG: i  


TG: fuck  


GA: Dave Are You Ok  


TG: yeah its whatever  


TG: ok so theoretically say  


GA: Theoretically  


TG: yes not realistically at all  


TG: say i took off karkats shirt  


TG: and saw. tiny lil crab legs.  


TG: fuckin baby ass bros. pincers and all  


TG: would it be safe to assume all trolls have those  


GA: I Have Never Been Intimate With Another Troll In That Regard Before  


GA: However  


GA: It Is Important To Keep In Mind That Karkat Is  


GA: Well  


GA: A Mutant  


TG: oh fuck  


TG: so i gotta do more research?  


GA: Yes  


GA: Which You Probably Should Have Done Before Consulting A Real Troll  


GA: Some Might Find It Culturally Insensitive  


TG: oh fuck sorry  


GA: Its Ok  


GA: I Am Not Offended  


TG: thats good  


TG: k thanks kan gotta go

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] !

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] !

TG: rose  


TG: rose  


TG: r  


TG: o  


TG: s  


TG: e  


TT: You’re not going to stop until I answer you, are you?  


TG: p much  


TG: thank god you answered  


TG: is your gf in the room?  


TT: What?  


TG: you heard me the first time  


TG: shit wait  


TG: read?  


TT: Should Kanaya be in the room for this? Do you wish to speak to us both? If so, Dave, you could have simply called us both to your room. Luckily I already invited her over before you had Pestered me.  


TG: pestered isnt a proper noun wtf  


TG: and not for this. no fuckin way  


TT: Oh?  


TG: i need you. to start making out with your girlfriend.  


TT: Excuse me?  


TG: make the fuck out of your girlfriend rose  


TG: even though i guess technically she made us  


TG: im not getting into that rn  


TG: what youre getting into, though, is your girlfriend  


TG: s shirt.  


TG: i pressed send too soon shit sorry  


TT: Are you suggesting I get intimate with Kanaya at your whimsy?  


TG: fuck dude. no  


TG: not when you say it like that.  


TG: all im saying is. The trolls have fuckin arms under their shirts.  


TT: All of them? Are you sure?  


TG: i will be once you tell me ur results w kankan over there  


TT: Was this the case with Karkat?  


TG: …  


TG: bro they had fuckin pincers  


TG: i took off his shirt. and. I got pinched on my fucking stomach.  


TT: Interesting.  


TT: I’ll look into it.

tentacleTherapist [TG] is now an idle chum!

TG: youll look into your girlfriends shirt  


TG: ha  


TG: that wasnt funny that was the entire point of this conversation  


TG: ok this is getting kind of creepy. 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] !

tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] !

TT: I would prefer not to give details of Kanaya’s anatomy away to my brother.  


TG: ok alrite fair ig  


TT: That being said,  


TT: There were tiny little legs.  


TG: holy fucking shit  


TT: I didn’t want to ask, at the risk of sounding culturally insensitive.  


TG: ha  


TT: What’s funny about that?  


TG: nothing  


TG: n/m keep talking  


TT: But they were definitely there. It was kind of off-putting, regardless of your warning.  


TG: bro nothing coulda prepared me for that  


TG: like what do you  


TG: where do you even put your hands  


TT: I had a similar dilemma.  


TG: yeah  


TG: what the fuck are trolls really even  


TG: bugs? fish?  


TT: Kanaya is a Rainbow-Drinker. Or, as you may put it, a vampire. So I’m not very sure, but they seem rather inconsistent in that sense  


TG: yea no shit sis  


TG: any ways  


TG: catch ya later  


TG: ive got  


TG: research  


TG: to do  


TT: That might be the first time I’ve ever heard you say that  


TG: stfu

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] !

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first homestuck oneshot! more to come for sure. ive got whole fics planned.
> 
> ps coding is a BITCH


End file.
